pfffft.

dad's going back on monday. ):

and i wont be seeing him til february. )):

im gonna miss daddy.

im not even back in perffu yet and im alreadyy feeling home sick. ))):

WTFFFFF.

I DONT WANT TIME TO PASS SOOOO FASTTT!!

what if i make a mistake and ruin my life permanently??

im a coward.

im scared to face the fact that someday i open my eyes and...

mum and dad wont be there anymore.

sometimes when i leave for perffu,,

i alwayss have this BIG urge to cry.

not cos im leaving.

but cos i dont know if i would still be able to see everyone again.

especially po po and ah ma, ah gong.

i always hear things like:

"you'll never know what's gonna happen tomorrow."

"cherish your present."

and when i come to think of it.

it does make alot of sense.

seriously,,

you'll never know if malaysia's gonna be bombed tomorrow.

(CHOI CHOI!! TOUCH WOOD!!)

you'll never know what will happen to your loved ones tomorrow.

(CHOI CHOI!! TOUCH WOOD!!)

but yess.

its true.

whenever i think of 'THE END OF THE WORLD',,

i always get scared.

cos i just cant face the truth that my loved ones are gonna die.

and IM gonna die.

im currently in the 'I DONT WANNA LEAVE' mood.

):

but i was the one who chose to leave first.

so i just have to bravely face it and let my bad thought slide.

)):

♥BEEBULOVESCHOCOLATE♥

an entry after a LOOONGG time

Hey to whoever whose reading this now. (:

Haven't been updating my blog for AGES.

Anyways,, the purpose of this blog is to let out ALL my feelings.

So here we go.

Today, I was stuck at home fore basically the WHOLE day.

Reasons are cos I was meant to go KL with my sisters this morning but didn't really feel like it. And then, mum was apparently VERY VERY busy. So yeahh. There you go.

While I was in my room learning some chords, I realised I don't have anymore songs to learn. Well, not the ones I WANT to learn.

So I thought to myself, why not try out modelling since its the holidays. It won't affect ANY of my studies since I haven't even started school yet. AND it will help me kill time. On the other hand, I also always wanted to do modelling. Since I was a kid.

So I thought I would ask my mum before I go searching for an agency. Its kinda impossible to find a MODELLING agency in an isolated place like IPOH. Anyways, back to topic.

I ask my mum before dinner in my grandma's house and her reply wasn't very nice AT ALL.

First of all, she said its not the right time.

Then, she said I don't even have the base of my studies yet. WHAT BASEE?? I HAVEN'T EVEN BLOODY START SCHOOL YET!! AND I ONLY WANT TO TRY IT OUT!!

After that, she added that I can fill my time by doing other things like learning songs on my guitar, practising my Japanese or read my book. I DO THESE STUFFS!! DOES SHE EVEN KNOWW?? NOOOOO!! COS SHE'S APPARENTLY VERYYY VERYYY VERYYY BUSY ALL THE TIME!! AND SHE'S PRESUMING THAT I DON'T DO IT!! WTF DOES SHE THINK I DO IN MY ROOM EVERYDAY THEN??

And seriously, she has always been against modelling. ALWAYS.

So I asked her why she is SOO against modelling??

And she said SHE'S NOT!!

WTFFFF??

SHE KNOWS SHE IS BUT SHE DOESN'T WANNA ADMIT IT!!

Thats just PLAIN CHILDISH!!

So, yes I know this is bad, but I told her that she is being childish and annoying. And then she added saying that I'M THE ONE BEING ANNOYINGG!!! WTFFF MUCHH!!

But anyways, the story goes on and on and on. But since this evening, I haven't said A SINGLE word to her and I'm not intending to. Not until I fully calm down cos I DON'T WANNA BE ANNOYING.

So yeahh. I've let out pretty much all my anger but still need more time to calm down.

I know I'm wrong for calling her childish and annoying and screaming at her. But she never ever listens to me once I mention the word MODELLING.

And, let me point out to you, that's wrong. I've learnt from boarding that no matter how much you are against a particular topic, you still have to listen to the other person's opinions. NO MATTER WHAT.

Honestly, I've never been SOO annoyed with my mum in my life. Well, I've been annoyed with her before. But not THIS annoyed.

AND I'd rather spend my WHOLE day working in Jusco rather than staying in my room and become a BIG FAT PIG.

Seriously, its ONE WHOLE DAY OF MY LIFE.

I HATE it when my mum doesn't listen. AT ALL.

GODDAMNIT.

♥BEEBULOVESCHOCOLATE♥